The model developed by Elisabeth Kübler‑Ross for grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) is now widely used in change management, called the Kübler‑Ross Change Curve. (ekrfoundation.org)

Essentially, when something drops into your world that means the old me/my team/our process is gone or shifting, you grieve that old state. And in that grief, you move — often jaggedly — through stages. If you ignore that emotional path, the change stalls or goes sideways. (Whatfix)

The stages in change-mode

Here’s how I see them playing out in leadership, teams or org-transformation — with your kind of work in mind.

1. Denial

“This change? Nah, nothing will really change.”

When you announce a new initiative, restructure, shift strategy, or launch a new behaviour model (hello: measurable behavioural change), many will behave as if the old world still exists. The brain hasn’t yet accepted loss. In grief terms: shock/denial. (BiteSize Learning)

As a leader/co-coach you’ll see low engagement, disbelief, maybe passive resistance. The trick: clear communication, honest acknowledgement of loss (including of status quo) and why the change is real.

2. Anger (and frustration/fear)

“Why me? Why now? This is unfair.”

Once the denial cracks, you hit the “ouch” moment. The future is uncertain, the previous identity is gone or shifting, and people push back. In organisations this shows up as frustration, cynicism, “you’re doing this wrong”, maybe sabotage. (prosci.com)

Good move: create space for real voice, listen actively (hello your LEEPSUS? “Spot what’s Underneath”), invite reflection, help people vent before you move them forward.

3. Bargaining (or negotiating)

“Okay, how about we keep half of the old stuff, change only this bit?”

This is the attempt to salvage what was comfortable. In your leadership agency you’ll see teams trying to tweak the change so it fits “as little disruption as possible”. It isn’t bad — it’s human. The curve acknowledges it. (Whatfix)

You can coach this by inviting options, discussing trade-offs, making explicit what the non-negotiables are, and what’s flexible. It helps people move toward real decision rather than stalling in “let’s just see”.

4. Depression / Loss / Low morale

“I gave up so much, and now I’m lost. What’s in it for me?”

This is the hollow spot in the curve. Performance drops, disengagement rises. Even if the change is positive (new tech, new culture, new leader) the loss of familiar ways triggers grief. (BiteSize Learning)

For you: this is where resilience, psychological safety, and empathy come into full-blast. Acknowledge the “we’ve lost something” narrative. Support it. Then help them see and shape the new possibilities — coaching, experiments, quick wins.

5. Acceptance & Integration

“Okay — this is the new normal. I’m in.”

Not “everything is perfect” but “I own this change, I’m shaping it”. Behaviour changes, identity shifts, the new way becomes conscious competence. The change doesn’t end — it becomes part of the system. (truemanchange.co.uk)

At this stage: celebrate, embed rituals, monitor for back-sliding, keep momentum. Change is still fragile until it becomes routine.

Why this matters — and some caveats

Why it matters: As someone coaching leadership, teams and behavioural change, this framework gives you a way to read the emotional air-waves. It moves beyond “business case / KPI / strategy” into “what’s actually happening in the guts of people”. If you skip this, you’ll hit invisible resistance, slow adoption, cynicism.

But a caveat: The grief stages are heuristics, not gospel. People don’t always go in order. They might skip, loop back, or get stuck. (Wikipedia) Also: Change is not always death-like; loss might be partial, ambiguous, exciting, forced, chosen. So tailor your coaching accordingly.

Practical coaching tips you can use right now

At kick-off of a change: explicitly name the “loss” piece: what are we leaving behind? What am I giving up? That gives permission for grief.
Map where your team/organisation currently are on the curve: who’s still in denial, who’s angry, who’s exploring? Use that to tailor your support.
Use your “Beliefs challenge … observations invite reflection … explore resistance and what matters” mnemonic to dig into what’s underneath the surface of resistance.
Build mini-experiments: especially in the exploration phase. Let people test the new way, iterate, own it.
Keep measuring: but go beyond “metrics achieved” to “people’s mind-set, morale, identity shift”. Because if you ignore that the new way will look like the old one in practice.
Celebrate early wins and stories: these help shift from exploration to acceptance.
Create rituals for consolidation: the new becomes the “normal”. Without rituals, you drift back.

My opinion (yes, I have one)

Change is always partial loss. Even when we choose it, the old identity, habits, and comfort zones go with it. And too many leaders sell the shiny future without acknowledging the hole left behind. That’s the emotional gap where change fails. So as the “swearing scholar” you are, call out the bullshit of “Just get on board!”, “What’s the upside?” — it doesn’t cut it. The upside matters, yes. But the slide through denial, anger, bargaining and grief? That requires courage, authenticity and time.

If your agency (Braver Leaders) doesn’t build in that dimension, you’ll design great frameworks but hit the sludge of human resistance. You know this. So your job is two-fold: design the structural change, and hold the grief space.

One practical thing for leaders

Map your team on the grief curve.

Grab a whiteboard or a blank page. Draw the classic curve (Denial → Anger → Bargaining → Depression → Acceptance). Then ask your team — privately or together — where they think they are on it regarding your current change.

Once you’ve plotted it:

If most are on the left side (denial/anger), double down on listening and clarity — not more PowerPoints.
If they’re in the dip (low morale), focus on reconnecting to purpose and celebrating small wins.
If they’re moving right (acceptance/exploration), hand them ownership and let them co-create the next steps.

Do this every few weeks during big transitions. You’ll be amazed how much faster the change moves when you stop treating it as a project plan — and start treating it as a human process.

Facing Change?

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Why the grief curve applies to change